July 30, 2015- Learn To Love Your Flaws

If waking up at 5 AM in the morning to be with friends and going to the temple is what makes you happy do it. :) although running on 2 1/2 hours of sleep: I would sacrifice my sleep to go to the temple with these people who make me happy to the place that gives me happiness. 

The road to where I am today really wasn't easy and let me tell you, if I didn't have my friends it would have taken me a lot longer to get to where I am. But there still is a certain point where you have to learn to rely in yourself, to make yourself happy, because you can't put all of your happiness in others you can be around others who uplift you but they can't always be your support. Learn to love yourself, learn to love your flaws because they are what make you the most unique person and they are what makes you who you are. Learn to be self reliant. Love yourself. Enjoy the time with your friends. :) 

Finding true happiness can be tough, I know.

There are only a few ways one can be happy and continue to be happy, these are things that I know from personal experience. Ways I found myself. 

1. Find positive in each and every day

As hard as it may be, there is always some good in your day it could be someone smiling at you or that cute boy waving at you in the hall, having a good laugh with a friend.  Anything, but you need to find positive things. 

2. Find something that can cheer you up:

Music, sports, art, nature, hanging out with friends find something that helps release the tension of a bad day.

3. Give.

Giving is always a way to cheer anyone up. Giving brings happiness to those around you, if it's just giving them a gift of service, a smile, or even the time of day to listen to them and their problems. 

4. Always have the lord in your mind and heart

"I will not leave you comfort less I will come to you" the lord will never leave you alone especially in times of need, he'll be there to lift you. It may not seem like it but you can't push him away you have to turn to him and keep your heart open and remember that he has a plan for you. Going to the temple, reading scriptures, and regularly attending church and church activities will refresh and enlighten your life. Never give up on the lord, because when other people leave he never does, he will always be your constant companion. 

5. Don't forget to surround yourself with happy people who make you laugh and smile no matter how hard the day is. Make sure you balance your life and be grateful for all that you have.

6. NEVER compare yourself to anyone else because you are you for a reason. There is and never will be anyone like you, you are important to this world and you don't know who you have or will impact because you were you. It doesn't matter if you have the coolest clothes or newest car or who you hang out with as long as you are happy. “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

About Me

Maybe first its time to tell you about myself. I am 17 years old and I have had seizures since I was in the 8th grade. Although at the time through the EEG, MRI, and another 24 hour EEG they didn't find any irregular brain activity. Going into and during my 8th grade year I had 3 seizures. Then for 2 years I thought that my struggle had finally come to an end and that I would be okay.
Then in the summer of 2014 on July 2 I was running around the fitness center track with my cross country team, and my seizures I know when they are going to happen because I get a tingly feeling in my arm and my head starts to go to the side and I cant control it, this one though was one like no other I had before during my seizures earlier in my life I was conscious and could tell what was going on around me, this one I was knocked unconscious and when I woke up forgot where I was. It left a pretty big scrape on my face.




The positive and funny thing I got out of that day was that when the firefighters were asking me what the password was to my phone I wouldn't tell them because I knew that would mean they would call my mom and I wouldn't be able to drive, but with deep persuasion I eventually told them.Anyways about a week later we went to the doctor I had in 8th grade to find out he was no longer there and they referred me to my doctor now, Dr. Morita. We went and got the EEG and sadly probably the hardest news I had heard was the test came back with irregular brain activity making me an epileptic. The title makes it even worse because it makes it much more real. The next step after that was deciding if I wanted to start medication, which I did. This medicine was the worst medicine I could have ever imagined it threw me into a worse emotional state then I already was in, made me lose my appetite, made me dizzy, and most of the time I couldn't pay attention to what the teachers were saying because the pain I had was so bad. I missed so much school, my grades started to drop, and I was embarrassed to tell my friends the real reason I was staying home so often. They thought I was staying home just because. It took me a while to decide I needed to get off the medication and try a new one. I was on two medications for about 3-4 months and during that time I would maybe eat once a day and I still had to force myself because both had loss of appetite as a side affect. I finally got off the first medication and now am only on the one, last doctors visit my doctor gave me a new medication for my migraines which causes dizziness, loss of feeling in hands, feet, and face, and often times makes me feel sick to the stomach. Kind of ironic how they give you medicine to help you but it opens so many other problems. I am currently having to adjust my body to that. And I do realize this is how the rest of my life will be. New medications, bad days, good days, and much much more but it is something I can continue living with because I have a good support system in my life and I have the gospel. It is hard but I have so many good things in my life that will continue to keep me going.

Through My Eyes

The everyday struggle of having to deal with epilepsy is hard, I'm not going to lie and say that everyday is good and once I finally grasped onto the fact that this was going to be my life everything became okay. That's not really how it goes. There are days when I feel like I can conquer the world, where I feel like I used to, like nothing is wrong with me. Then there are days where there are so many complications with my medications that I don't know what to do. I've spent a few days crying and pleading for this to all be over. But through this all there is one very important thing that I have found and that is who I am, who I truly am. I have found a testimony of my savior ,one that is my own, and yes do I know how hard it is to live without the feeling of the spirit in your life because I had pushed it away. The journey for me getting here, took me  a year before I finally could say I know this is something I can handle because the lord would never give me anything that I could not handle and I know that and before I could finally start to mend all the broken pieces of all the things that I had ruined while I had been in my room countless hours of the day, not eating, pushing family and friends away, no longer doing what I loved. I had to put all of that back together.I know that sometimes life just gets so hard and all you want to do is break down and you don't know what to do but I encourage you to keep going because in the end it is all worth it. The journey getting there may not be the easiest but let me tell you one thing IT.IS.WORTH.IT! You are better than you believe, stronger than you believe and with the right mindset you can do anything.  Through this trial I have come closer to my lord and my savior than I ever could have imagined and I learned the true meaning of sacrifice because it what my family has to do for me every day, but through this trial I have come out with a better heart. I wouldn't want it any other way. These challenges are what make each and every one of you who you are, and each of these trials will lead you to something better one day.