Christmas Time

As each Christmas season comes and goes it gives you a time to remember what Christmas time is really about and why we celebrate this wonderful time of year. As I've gone about thinking about this subject and what makes it so special so many things have come to mind but the one thing that continues to come back is all of the sacrifices that our savior made for us. Each and every one of us. He bled from every pore in his body feeling our sins and sorrows. He suffered and even Jesus had a time where he didn't feel Heavenly Fathers presence in his life, saying "my god, my god why hast  thou forsaken me?" During this Christmas season how important it is to remember the sacrifices he has made for each and everyone of us. When you think that no one understands what you are going through, you are wrong, there is always going to be our Savior, and our friend who's been through it all and understands. He was perfect, yet he still knows what it is like, to feel our sorrows and sins, to have heavenly fathers presence gone. He knew that he was going to suffer hardships and he still agreed to come to this earth to accomplish our plan. How important it is to remember all of this, his birth and death it is all so important. Take the time to remember the true meaning of this special time of year. Christmas is a time of love, take advantage of the time you do have to spend with family and friends, and always make those around you feel the special joy and love of this season. 

There's a Plan For Us

I'm gonna be honest, high school isn't fun at all. I want to graduate. I'm ready to be done and I'm starting to fall into the trap of sleeping in almost everyday. I enjoy my performing arts classes, still am keeping all my grades B+ and above, so I always tell myself "your grades are good why go?" Update on my life from the last time: I got a job at Kohls which I actually just got the other day! I've applied at USU. and while at college day I had a really cool experience. So at the beginning of the day you choose 3 colleges you'd like to visit so I chose 1. USU (because it was my favorite and I thought I was dead set on that choice) 2. University of Utah (backup plan) 3. BYU (didn't want to go there at all, but went because I didn't have any where else to!) so while in the BYU presentation, a very powerful yet amazing feeling came over me, one that I don't get very often, an answer to my prayer. And I simply got this feeling of "apply to this school, you need to apply for this school" now, when I went into this presentation I really didn't want to go because -a) I thought I couldn't get in because I'm not smart enough and b) if I went there it would feel like mom and dad were still there giving me rules (not at all it's just basic lds rules I follow anyways!) and who knows if I will get in, but for some reason I need to apply. Who knows what the future holds for me. I can not wait to be at that point in my life, it is what is semi powering me through school. Although I am exhausted and stressed 99% of the time. God has a plan for us all, great things are in the works. Oh 226 days until graduation! Hopefully that flies by. Did I mention my wisdom teeth are coming in?

Life is Moving so Fast

A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks, those things being our first two performances as madrigals, tryouts/callbacks for the musical, the cast list being posted, our first theatre social, and homecoming. Now that isn't all in order of events but man it's gotten so crazy!! I've almost been in school for a whole month and it doesn't even feel like it! We've performed two times for madrigals once at the hello assembly and the other at the homecoming game, and I know I've said this before but I just love madrigals so much!! Singing is amazing and when I do it I feel so relaxed but then excited! Now the theatre social it was just an opening with all performing arts and I planned some games for everyone to get to know each other and go out of their comfort zone!! It was pretty good! Tryouts and callbacks oh man! So hectic but awesome they last a week, they have singing/acting auditions two days, then dance auditions, then post callbacks Thursday and the cast list is posted Friday. So I did pretty well at this try out this year, probably the best out of all 3 years! I got a callback for Aunt Eller the part I wanted so I was pretty excited to have just gotten to that point. I didn't end up getting the part but ended up getting ensemble with a name and a featured dancer (I don't think they know I can't dance! Eek!) So I get a few parts where I get to sing, I'm pretty excited!! 

Homecoming was this past Saturday and it was pretty fun, I got to go with Brenon! Through all of the plans not going to plan and me ordering a sale called "caprese" that ended up just being tomatoes, cheese, and dressing (hate tomatoes) it was all pretty great! 

Now on to this Thursday which is college day. Woah it makes it seem so much more real and so much more scary. I can start applying for college, scholarships, and financial aid. Craziness! Life keeps on moving at its own pace, sometimes faster than I want it to, but I'm sure ready for whatever life throws at me! 

Living Life With No Regrets

Ive been thinking a lot lately, about various amounts of things but one of the things that continues to always be a reoccurring thought is how people always say "I regret so many of the things  I did last year" and all I can ever think is why? Why do you regret it? I mean sure there are some things you do and you just want to forget they ever happened, but it's even those tiny small little things that can change your life, sometimes in a big way sometimes in a small way. But in the long run all of those "years you wish you could forget", mistakes, and simple things you've done have led you to the very spot you are in your life right now. Now maybe you think this doesn't apply to you because you are at a bad point in your life, you will overcome that bad point because you'll learn to see the better, and most trials well, they don't always last forever. So maybe this bad point in your life will lead you to the person you are in 5-10 years. Just remember one thing for me, don't regret, be proud of all of the things you've done, because every single or of those choices has led you to where you are today and the choices you continue to make will lead you to beautiful things in the future. Life will throw unexpected curveballs at you, that sometimes you don't want, but you'll overcome the "curveballs", the bad days, you'll overcome it all, and one day you'll look back and be glad that everything I your life happened the way it did. It was all leading you to a bright future. 

Making the Best Out of Everyday

I'm not gonna lie, lately it's been pretty tough just being happy. I'm not really sure why, no reason behind it.. I'll just have a wave of sadness come over me and I'll have no motivation to do anything. But if there's one thing I've learned in the past year it's that I need to never give up, I need to keep going through the good and the bad. I mean I love school! My classes are very enjoyable and I've actually gotten up on time every day! While I'm at school I've got my mind on other things, but then I get home and it's just frustration, stress, and a lack of motivation. It could be the fact that I'm still adjusting to school and I'm still trying to get my schedule to its normal ness. I don't know, but whatever it is I'm not going to let it affect me and I'm going to continue to put on a happy smile, and make my days good. I've got good family and friends all around me, and I've got the things I love too. So I'll find my happy place (even if it's looking at pictures of it,

cause I love to travel and I have an adventurous heart so occasionally I'll get on Pinterest and pin a bunch of places to go, and it makes me happy) and make the best out of today that I can :)

God Answers my Prayers

Well, today was a fairly decent day!! It's been pretty great! The madrigals got to perform the national anthem and I think we did amazing 😊 Today I also didn't have to go to school until 8:30! Short classes and assembly schedule? Don't mind if I do! 

Anyways about everything from yesterday I didn't end up going to the interview because I didn't feel right about it, zupas did not call, and so far jamba has not either. But the thing is, I'm okay with that for one reason, I told myself before I went to the interviews if I was supposed to get the job I will, and I prayed that if I was supposed to have a job at the time that one of them would work out. So the reason I'm okay with it is because I know in my heart that there is a reason I'm not supposed to be working at the moment! The reason being? I don't know. But it will all work out for the best, and I am grateful that I am able to pray and get the answers I need. God has a plan for me and he knows what is best for me, he will guide me and protect me throughout my life. He will answer my prayers and I know that he is a constant guide. I am so grateful for the gospel and the very important role it's played in my life. 

A Not So Normal Day in the Life of me

Life can get a little hectic, but dang does it make it that much more enjoyable! (At least in this situation!) so today, I was able to go to both of my favorite classes: madrigals and play productions which are advanced choir and theatre classes, both I love to do, they are my passion. Madrigals is especially my favorite because today we got to sing the national anthem (that we will be performing in the assembly tomorrow) and it just sounded so awesome!! The blend, tone, and voices were so beautiful! I wish I could be in that class all day! Singing is the best thing in the world. You know, being in this class is probably the best thing to me because last year I didn't make the class which really got me down, and when I tried out this year I wouldn't even look at the list because I was so worried it would happen again, I had my best friend go and look and when she looked she immediately got a big smile, it's so much more rewarding because I worked so hard for it, it's my greatest accomplishment in my life so far, and I'm so excited to be a part of it!! ❤️ As the day went on things just kept getting better!! I went to English which really wasn't that bad because the teacher is pretty cool, and then play productions where I love to be, because it's a place I can be completely myself with no shame. After I went home I decided I wanted to make a call to zupas because we've been playing phone tag and I decided I would try one more time! And she answered and me being who I am I was surprised I didn't get the machine so... Well I hung up 😐 then I called her back, and told her I was sorry I lost service... Then I accidentally applied for a job at Freddy's in midvale (funny how that happened actually) I was on snagajob and it didn't tell me it was a one click apply and I was trying to find out more info, well I guess I applied for the job and about 10 minutes later I got a call getting an offer for an interview for tomorrow at 3:30!! I don't know if I'm going or not but still!! Then my mom is having me apply at Kohls and I may have an interview there tomorrow. The crazy thing about of all of this is it's all tomorrow I find out tomorrow if I get the job at Jamba, if I get another interview at zupas, then I have 2 interviews. Well I'm kind of interested to see how this works out. 

Senior Year!!!

I'm not your typical teenage girl. I was actually excited to go to school! I got out of bed early and on time(surprisingly) and turned on my jams and started singing in my brush like it was a mic.. dancing around my room when I... Wait this all sounds too good to be true... because it is. I woke up and got ready, not really sure if I was so ready for school to start or not. So maybe I am the typical teenage girl. First day of school? Ugh. Singing in the morning? My voice doesn't have the capacity for that.(especially that early!) Dancing? I can't do. So that was an obvious thing it wasn't true. School. My last year of high school. Senior year?! Me? Woah. Still as I got in my car to go to school couldn't grasp to the fact this was my last year of high school. The year I had to do everything I wanted to do. "Well here goes nothing" I said as I went through the high school doors and the adventure I call senior year begins. 

Live. Laugh. Love? ❤️

There are so many thoughts rushing through my head as I think about the upcoming school year that starts... TOMORROW! It's crazy to think that I am going to be a senior, and that this is my last year of high school. Time always flies faster than you want it to and as much as I wish I was still in kindergarten playing in the sand and painting cute pictures, well that's too good to be true. Well tomorrow I take on a new adventure my last first day of high school, and I'm just not sure how I feel about it yet.  I've learned to value the memories that I have because as I continue in my life, time keeps going faster! Sooner than I know I'll be going to college and finding my next adventure. So treasure the moments you have now  because time flies, and you don't want to miss anything. Go out and have fun, and maybe take some risks. Because one day you won't be 17 (or however old you are) and be able to experience what you can when you are 17. Live a little. Live . Laugh. Love? ❤️ 

"I Could Get Used to a View Like This"

Being outside is probably one of the best things to me. I want to travel, well I want to go on a lot of hikes and go camping. Nature is my relaxation spot because no matter what the weather is, to me it is always beautiful, relaxing, and calming. Yesterday I was able to go to memory grove park, and then popperton park both which had beautiful views. It's something I would never give up and I want to continue to find more places with beautiful views. My goal for this next year-summer is to hike as many little/big cottonwood hikes. I want to continue to do this because this is my happy spot, my place I can find pure joy, and relaxation(even if I am sweaty), it's something I'll always love even if it may be hard due to my seizures. The sun is one of the leading factors. But one of the things I've learned from my crazy mom is "you don't let it define you, you define it."

I won't let it lead my life and I will continue to strive to do all the things I can do, I will not let it control or change my life too drastically, because I will still enjoy my life. Any ways, being in the mountains will always be one of my favorites, seeing nature and all the beautiful things this world was blessed with is amazing. Nature is my happy place, what's yours? 

Don't Get Wrapped Up.

So many things happen in life and it makes it very easy to get wrapped up in all of it. 

Don't let the troubles and thoughts overwhelm you, which I know is really easy to do. Go to your happy place, wherever that is, and for one minute just relax and take a deep breath. Know that no matter what happens it will all be okay. Realize this is the only life you are given and you can't sit and wallow in self pity over something that's going on in your life. You need to choose to be happy and  you need to choose to live your life to the fullest. Because everything in your life is a choice. Don't let the bad affect you, always find the good. It will take you a while to get to that day where you can push out the negative and move on but I know it is doable. And yes bad days are inevitable, but all I'm saying is you don't have to let them affect you. 

The future is a scary thing.

As I think about it my future and the time to make a lot of important life decisions is rapidly approaching. This is my senior year and after its time to go to college and decide on a career, decide if I'm going to serve a mission, there are so many things coming up faster than I would like. Just when I thought I had it all planned out I start thinking and then my whole "plan" kind of falls apart. I had a plan of going to college at USU or UofU to get my major in physician assisting, but as I think about it I think is this something I want to do for a career? I'd be going to college for 4-6 years to get my degree and do I really want that? There are so many degrees out there and so many colleges and now as soon as it becomes closer to making that decision I don't know anymore. Convienent, right? Well anyways senior year starts in 10 DAYS! Holy guacamole that's so soon! I'm so anxious and nervous but excited!! Well here's to the class of 2016, and here's to hoping this year is the best 😊

August 5, 2015

"When you are with the ones you love you are exactly where you are supposed to be" 

Not every day is easy and occasionally there is something you hear or someone tells you something that you just don't want to hear but you need to hear it to better yourself and get to where you need to be. Don't snap at them, maybe actually take the time to listen and then think about what they said. 

These past few days have been great I've been able to spend some time with my very great friends at my friends mission call opening and this morning at the temple. I realized that they are my second family and all of them may not be in my life forever but for the time being they are here and they make me so happy. They lift me up in times of hardship and they treat me good and don't make me feel left out. 

No one will quite understand the feelings I have as I sit in the temple and am able to baptisms for the dead. It's such a special feeling and it has such a special place in my heart. It's something that will always stand out to me and I'll always love and support. The temple is a place of peace and you can't help but feel the love of your savior as you sit and get to partake and help perform blessings. It's truly just the best thing I have in life. I was able to finish 2nd Nephi today which I haven't done ever without my family. I'm not finished with the Book of Mormon but I'm making progress and as I continue to read and go to the temple and continue going to church I feel of my saviors love and continue to grow a stronger testimony every day. 

Thankfulness

Being thankful for the little things in life is what is really important to me. It's important to me because when there are things that are going wrong in your life you need to realize the small things. 2 things that I am grateful for today are; 1. nature. How beautiful it is. I had the opportunity to go on a 5 mile hike with my stake priests and laurels, it was pretty hard but the thing it made me realize is how important it is to persevere to the end, as hard as it may get you need to keep going. I can compare this to my life there may be parts where life is rocky and hectic but you have to continue to the end even if at one point you end up on your hands and knees crawling up to your final destination. Life and the plan of happiness is important and you need to do what you can to get there. Nature showed me this, and I am thankful for it and the beautifulness it surrounds me with and calms me with. I am thankful for gods great gift. 

The second thing I am grateful for is people who have integrity. Today after my hike as I was riding down the ski lift I dropped my bag with my very expensive sunglasses, and instead of people leaving it, walking over it, or taking it for themselves they were kind enough to return it lost and found where I could find it.

So please find the good and be grateful they may not be things that stand out thy may be things you have to look for, but I promise if you do it will help in the long run. :) 

July 30, 2015- Learn To Love Your Flaws

If waking up at 5 AM in the morning to be with friends and going to the temple is what makes you happy do it. :) although running on 2 1/2 hours of sleep: I would sacrifice my sleep to go to the temple with these people who make me happy to the place that gives me happiness. 

The road to where I am today really wasn't easy and let me tell you, if I didn't have my friends it would have taken me a lot longer to get to where I am. But there still is a certain point where you have to learn to rely in yourself, to make yourself happy, because you can't put all of your happiness in others you can be around others who uplift you but they can't always be your support. Learn to love yourself, learn to love your flaws because they are what make you the most unique person and they are what makes you who you are. Learn to be self reliant. Love yourself. Enjoy the time with your friends. :) 

Finding true happiness can be tough, I know.

There are only a few ways one can be happy and continue to be happy, these are things that I know from personal experience. Ways I found myself. 

1. Find positive in each and every day

As hard as it may be, there is always some good in your day it could be someone smiling at you or that cute boy waving at you in the hall, having a good laugh with a friend.  Anything, but you need to find positive things. 

2. Find something that can cheer you up:

Music, sports, art, nature, hanging out with friends find something that helps release the tension of a bad day.

3. Give.

Giving is always a way to cheer anyone up. Giving brings happiness to those around you, if it's just giving them a gift of service, a smile, or even the time of day to listen to them and their problems. 

4. Always have the lord in your mind and heart

"I will not leave you comfort less I will come to you" the lord will never leave you alone especially in times of need, he'll be there to lift you. It may not seem like it but you can't push him away you have to turn to him and keep your heart open and remember that he has a plan for you. Going to the temple, reading scriptures, and regularly attending church and church activities will refresh and enlighten your life. Never give up on the lord, because when other people leave he never does, he will always be your constant companion. 

5. Don't forget to surround yourself with happy people who make you laugh and smile no matter how hard the day is. Make sure you balance your life and be grateful for all that you have.

6. NEVER compare yourself to anyone else because you are you for a reason. There is and never will be anyone like you, you are important to this world and you don't know who you have or will impact because you were you. It doesn't matter if you have the coolest clothes or newest car or who you hang out with as long as you are happy. “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

About Me

Maybe first its time to tell you about myself. I am 17 years old and I have had seizures since I was in the 8th grade. Although at the time through the EEG, MRI, and another 24 hour EEG they didn't find any irregular brain activity. Going into and during my 8th grade year I had 3 seizures. Then for 2 years I thought that my struggle had finally come to an end and that I would be okay.
Then in the summer of 2014 on July 2 I was running around the fitness center track with my cross country team, and my seizures I know when they are going to happen because I get a tingly feeling in my arm and my head starts to go to the side and I cant control it, this one though was one like no other I had before during my seizures earlier in my life I was conscious and could tell what was going on around me, this one I was knocked unconscious and when I woke up forgot where I was. It left a pretty big scrape on my face.




The positive and funny thing I got out of that day was that when the firefighters were asking me what the password was to my phone I wouldn't tell them because I knew that would mean they would call my mom and I wouldn't be able to drive, but with deep persuasion I eventually told them.Anyways about a week later we went to the doctor I had in 8th grade to find out he was no longer there and they referred me to my doctor now, Dr. Morita. We went and got the EEG and sadly probably the hardest news I had heard was the test came back with irregular brain activity making me an epileptic. The title makes it even worse because it makes it much more real. The next step after that was deciding if I wanted to start medication, which I did. This medicine was the worst medicine I could have ever imagined it threw me into a worse emotional state then I already was in, made me lose my appetite, made me dizzy, and most of the time I couldn't pay attention to what the teachers were saying because the pain I had was so bad. I missed so much school, my grades started to drop, and I was embarrassed to tell my friends the real reason I was staying home so often. They thought I was staying home just because. It took me a while to decide I needed to get off the medication and try a new one. I was on two medications for about 3-4 months and during that time I would maybe eat once a day and I still had to force myself because both had loss of appetite as a side affect. I finally got off the first medication and now am only on the one, last doctors visit my doctor gave me a new medication for my migraines which causes dizziness, loss of feeling in hands, feet, and face, and often times makes me feel sick to the stomach. Kind of ironic how they give you medicine to help you but it opens so many other problems. I am currently having to adjust my body to that. And I do realize this is how the rest of my life will be. New medications, bad days, good days, and much much more but it is something I can continue living with because I have a good support system in my life and I have the gospel. It is hard but I have so many good things in my life that will continue to keep me going.

Through My Eyes

The everyday struggle of having to deal with epilepsy is hard, I'm not going to lie and say that everyday is good and once I finally grasped onto the fact that this was going to be my life everything became okay. That's not really how it goes. There are days when I feel like I can conquer the world, where I feel like I used to, like nothing is wrong with me. Then there are days where there are so many complications with my medications that I don't know what to do. I've spent a few days crying and pleading for this to all be over. But through this all there is one very important thing that I have found and that is who I am, who I truly am. I have found a testimony of my savior ,one that is my own, and yes do I know how hard it is to live without the feeling of the spirit in your life because I had pushed it away. The journey for me getting here, took me  a year before I finally could say I know this is something I can handle because the lord would never give me anything that I could not handle and I know that and before I could finally start to mend all the broken pieces of all the things that I had ruined while I had been in my room countless hours of the day, not eating, pushing family and friends away, no longer doing what I loved. I had to put all of that back together.I know that sometimes life just gets so hard and all you want to do is break down and you don't know what to do but I encourage you to keep going because in the end it is all worth it. The journey getting there may not be the easiest but let me tell you one thing IT.IS.WORTH.IT! You are better than you believe, stronger than you believe and with the right mindset you can do anything.  Through this trial I have come closer to my lord and my savior than I ever could have imagined and I learned the true meaning of sacrifice because it what my family has to do for me every day, but through this trial I have come out with a better heart. I wouldn't want it any other way. These challenges are what make each and every one of you who you are, and each of these trials will lead you to something better one day.